Breakups stink. But, just because you’ve ended things hastily with that one person, it doesn’t mean that the chapter ends now –– especially if things didn’t end well for both parties. It may seem impossible, but you’re still able to rekindle your lost relationship after a breakup. Drawing homage from the “buyer’s remorse”, the aim is to make your ex experience the “seller’s remorse”: the dawning realization that they made a mistake in ending the relationship, and the desire to get back with you again.
However, embarking on this quest requires you to do some massive growth and reflection to become a better person; you don’t want to woo your ex to only remind them of why they broke up with you in the first place. If you’re certain that you want to fix your relationship, read on more to discover seven tips that can help you to recover the love of your life.
Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder
You’ve both just ended a relationship, so it’s important that you give your ex all the space and time they need to sort themselves out. If you don’t, they’ll never have the opportunity to properly reflect on the relationship and miss you –– which means that the chances of them coming back are slim to none. It may seem impossible to stop contact with them, but breaking that connection forces your ex to experience life without you in it, as painful as it may be. This pocket of time is crucial in allowing them to figure out whether the breakup was beneficial for the both of you, or whether it could’ve been avoided instead.
If you want your ex back, they mustn’t know your true intentions –– yet. Sounding overly eager to message and call your ex is big red “loser ex” flags. To avoid falling into this stereotype, making your ex initiate and wait for a reply and call are important to keep them on their toes, yet remain invested in talking to you.
Focus On What You Can Control: Yourself
In a breakup, many variables are out of your control, such as controlling how your ex would react, think, and whether they have feelings for you. Instead of worrying about something that can’t be controlled, why not focus your time on something that’s within reach? Take some time and focus some energy on yourself –– adopt a new hobby, go out and socialize with new people, and get back into exercising. This is a good way to keep your mind off all the negative thoughts and can prove to your ex that you can function well without them.
Studies have shown that exercising can drastically improve your mood and mental health, which would be useful for you. Just 30 days is enough to make significant changes to your physique. Plus, imagine the look on your ex’s face once you come back looking more chiseled and buff than ever before!
Change Your Mindset
At the end of the day, you’ll still need to prove to your ex that you’ve become a better person –– not just physically, but mentally too. One of the biggest impacts of a breakup is the loss of emotional security –– when you take away the support that the majority of your life has revolved around, you’re bound to feel lost.
Perhaps there’s a hobby that you’ve always wanted to get into. It could be as exhilarating as skydiving, as physically strenuous as swimming, or as simple as learning an instrument or reading a book. Or, start setting some personal goals for yourself at work or in school –– things that you weren’t able to achieve previously. Doing things that make you happy would make you feel more fulfilled as a person, which will help you gain your confidence back, fast.
Remember, breakups usually occur when one partner doesn’t feel confident about their future with the other person anymore. However, once you’ve started working on your mind and body, you no longer remain the same person as you were in the past. The goal is to change whatever impressions your ex had of you, and cause them to wonder if they were wrong for giving up.
Reconnect With Friends
It’s easy to lapse into tunnel vision when you’re upset but take note: a breakup is beyond just you. Did you know that the average person loses about six to eight friends in a breakup? Whilst having friends to get you through the immediate aftermath is beneficial, know that you’re substituting one emotional crutch (your ex) with another (your friends). Instead of focusing on your life and your emotions, take this time to focus on theirs instead. Remember to give back to these friendships, and show them the same amount of love they showed you. You don’t want to risk losing your friends along with your ex.
Take It Slow
If you do reach this point, pat yourselves on the back –– you’ve made vast improvements from the state you were in after the breakup. At this stage, it’s important not to jeopardize all the hard work that you’ve put in by getting too emotional and jumping the gun. One good way to reach out to your ex is to provide them with an incentive to meet up. Before you send that text message, ask yourself… “what’s in it for my ex?”. In other words, don’t ask them out for coffee or brunch to “catch up” –– that doesn’t sound appealing to your ex, and neither does it give them a desire to meet up with you.
Instead, propose a date that they will be inclined to saying yes to. For example, buying tickets to their favorite band, or invite them to an upcoming book signing by their favorite author. This way, your ex would be more interested and invested in the date, which would also give you guys something to talk about.
Once you’ve started hanging out with your ex, it’s time to build back the attraction you once had with them. Lay on the flirting: crack some jokes, make them laugh, and build up the sexual tension. By ‘attraction’, we mean going beyond the physical. Rebuilding a genuinely natural, organic emotional attraction between two parties would cause them to be receptive to you again. This is where learning a new skill, gaining a new hobby, and creating more connections would work in your favor. You can introduce your ex to the new things you’ve been testing out while they’ve been gone, and show them how much you’ve grown both physically and mentally.
Make them want to spend time with you, and let them remember why they fell in love with you in the first place. This is extremely important if you ever want them back, and flirting is the best way to re-establish the attraction you guys once had. At the appropriate time, sneak in some physical touch along the way. For example, sit a little closer to them at the restaurant, or brush hands while you guys are walking along the street. Don’t be afraid to be a little teasing here –– you want to leave them longing for more!
Remember: don’t be shy or frazzled, just be natural and act like your usual self. They once loved you for you, so you don’t need to try so hard to be someone you’re not.
Don’t Force Things
Just because the both of you were once together doesn’t mean that you guys are entitled to reconcile. At the end of the day, if they choose not to get back together with you, recognize ad respect their decision. All you can do is focus on picking yourself up and finding new ways to feel happy and satisfied outside of your relationship.
It’s tempting to reach out to your ex on social media and brag about how life has been going since the separation. Or, desperately beg for them back. Regardless, it’s only going to make your ex more certain that they broke up for the right reasons. Words aren’t going to get them back –– only actions can show your sincerity.
If you find yourself in this situation, take things extra slow. Rebuild the relationship again from ground zero. Be there for them constantly, if they may not appreciate it now. Only time may tell!
We hope that these seven tips can go a long way to helping you get your ex back. Of course, every individual is unique, and not all our tips may work well in your situation. Nonetheless, there is no harm in trying, provided you respect each other’s boundaries and know when it’s time to quit.